Heavenly Hijinks Read online

  10 Heavenly Hijinks

  Chapter Two

  Leo flashed his killer smile down at the diminutive mortal. Indeed, the beautiful Petunia of Petunia’s Mystic Sensations was a prize of rare perfection, one to rival the beauty of his sisters, Aphrodite and Athena. Although there was a hint of desperation in her musky scent, she wasn’t one of his out-of-control Leos. He detected a small trace of Leo in the lovely woman, but not enough to dominate her. If she was overwhelmed by something, he couldn’t take the blame. “Yes, my fair lady. I very much wish to help.”

  The blonde beauty looked as if she was about to fling herself at his feet and plead to be the mother of his offspring, but then seemed to think better of it.

  Pity.

  He’d gladly take a suckle of those pert nipples, bury his cock deep inside her velvety folds and lose himself in her amazing eyes the color of the deep cerulean waves of the vast ocean. He longed to bury his nose in her flowery scented ash-blonde curls. But he had to stick to his agenda. He required Petunia’s aid to return home to the cosmos before Zeus, his father, demonstrated his legendary lack of patience. He sensed magic oozing from her small frame and could not afford to let her slip from his paws.

  “You’re hired. Can you start now? This minute?” Hope flared in her eyes. And pleading.

  Her voice chimed like sweet music upon his ears. He had to tear his gaze from her and then let his glance take in all his little Leos that clamored around him. The hope in their eyes made his heart contract with love—and guilt. They shouldn’t have to suffer for the naughtiness of his heart. Vowing to help, he turned up the voltage on his smile and tried to ignore the swelling cock that was following its own agenda, one that had everything to do with the luscious beauty. “My pleasure. Point me to a table.”

  “Oh bless you.” The beauty reached for his arm but then indecision flashed across her lovely eyes and she let her hand drop to her side.

  The mortal befuddled his senses like no other, and a strong need to touch her overwhelmed him. He had traveled far and wide these past couple of weeks, keeping to the beach or the shadows until he found someone to help him, and he lifted prayers of thanksgiving to Aphrodite that she had heeded his entreaties. Laying claim to his prize, he tucked her hand through his arm and pulled her close to his side. “No. Bless you, my dear.”

  He’d pull a star down from the heavens just to keep that delicious smile on his passionflower’s lips, except stars were already twinkling in her eyes. He whispered in her ear and his breath blew her wispy hair about her exquisite cheeks, “’Tis a grave sin

  11 Ashley Ladd

  for your beauty to be earthbound. It should be displayed in the cosmos for all to worship.” Indeed, she should be exalted to Mt. Olympus.

  Her laughter fell sweeter than drops of honey to his ears and warmed his glowing heart. What a refreshing change from the ice-maidens Virgo and Cassiopeia. He could very easily become accustomed to this.

  The shop owner squeezed his arm and gazed with longing into his eyes. “You’re going to do well here.”

  The beauty’s plump brunette handmaiden held out her hand in greeting. “Welcome aboard.”

  He winked at the comely wench and offered a small grin. He bet that one was an Aquarius. Or a Gemini.

  His new clients crowded around. One maid well-worn with age stroked his locks. As if defying the coming of years, she wore her bright orange hair short and spiky. A long white gauzy skirt swished against her calves and was topped by a funky t-shirt depicting the galaxy. Her ears were studded with six pairs of gold earrings and several tattoos decorated her flesh. “Are you a romance cover model?” she crooned.

  Warmed by the compliment, he bestowed a smile upon her. “No. I’m the real deal.” He refrained from admitting that a couple of very famous cover models were created in his image, including but not limited to their glorious waist-length blond manes. Or that both were Leos.

  When Petunia frowned, he added, “I’m Leo.” He mourned the mortals of old. In ancient times, women had passed out at his feet at the discovery that they had a demi-god in their midst. From his rueful observations, a good deal of contemporary mortals felt as if they themselves were godlike and thus didn’t revere any god. Very few were left like the fabled Petunia that he’d been told about at several occult shops.

  Petunia released his arm and held out her hand to shake his. “Nice to meet you, Leo. I’m Clestie Williams, the new co-owner of Mystic Sensations.”

  Her friendly handmaiden beamed at him and shook his hand. “I’m Elizabeth Lombard, Clestie’s cousin and co-owner. Petunia was our aunt.”

  Everyone else tripped over each other to pay homage and introduce themselves.

  Leo’s head spun. Clestie and Elizabeth, not Petunia? When the last mortal finished pumping his hand, he separated himself from the crowd and held up his hand for silence. When all gazes were fully upon him, he announced, “I am the Leo. The Nemean Lion. The god of the zodiac constellation.”

  Clestie’s brows knit together. Disbelief, anger and then finally pity washed across Clestie’s flawless features. She exchanged troubled glances with her colleague.

  Dismay flickered in Elizabeth’s eyes.

  Telling himself he should have known better, Leo stifled a sigh. The knowledge that the world had changed, that mortals were blasé, didn’t make him feel better. Even now,

  12 Heavenly Hijinks

  if he’d said he was his half-brother Hercules, they’d likely be swooning. Hercules—the despised name grated on his nerves and raised his hackles.

  Frustrated, a growl rumbling in his chest, Leo thought of a way to impress them. Under his breath so that only the shop owners could hear, he asked, “What if I show you my tail?” The wearisome thing tickled his rear as he barely resisted the urge to shapeshift into the figure of the handsome Nemean lion. If his transformation was truly needed, he’d much rather do so in a private audience for Petunia’s nieces, especially the beautiful, blonde Clestie.

  Clestie gulped and her gaze dropped to his groin. The human cleared her throat. “I—uh—everyone, it’s time to leave…”

  Good. He longed for a private audience.

  “You too, Mr. Lion,” Clestie said when he didn’t follow the rest of the group to the door.

  “But the readings.” Their private audience. Leo scowled. His charges waited in desperate need.

  Clestie closed the gap between them and lowered her voice. “I’m sure you’re in need of help, Mr.…uh…Leo, but we’re not equipped to deal with this specialized kind of assistance. I’m afraid we won’t be able to use your…uh…special…services after all.”

  But his people cried out for aid! And he needed help—her help in particular—to get home. He shot his most calculated-to-charm smile at the mortal and flashed what he hoped was a hypnotizing sparkle of teeth. He took her hands in his and squeezed. “I urgently need your help.”

  Her brows pinched and distrust lit her eyes.

  He gazed deeply into her heavenly eyes. “I’m pleading with you. I have nowhere else to turn.”

  The woman tried to pull away from his clasp. “You must have me mistaken for someone else.”

  He was most certain of the address. The nymphs had led him to her, even if they’d had her name wrong. They’d sworn Petunia was the only one who could help. Now that he was here, he could feel the power vibrating through her, so much so that the magical electricity of it almost felled him to his knees. Unable to stop himself, drawn to the supernatural current pulsating in her, he rubbed a strand of her silky hair between his fingers. It was silky enough to be a lion’s mane. “’Tis no mistake. I was led here by an inimitable power.”

  Heartache flickered in the woman’s eyes. “Our great-aunt had the power.” She lowered her voice to little more than a whisper. “We don’t have a clue about this psychic stuff.”

  Stuff? He couldn’t hold back a smile. Little did she know. “It’s very real. I’m proof.”

  13 Ashley Ladd

/>   “Uh-huh.” With an indrawn hiss, she yanked away from him. “Look, you. You’re scaring me. I don’t know what institution you escaped from, but you need to leave now.”

  Panic pounded heavy in his chest. He harbored no wish to leave and did not know where to find another with her powerful abilities. He followed close on her heels. “You have to help me.”

  She drew a cell phone from her pocket with shaky fingers. “I don’t have to do anything except call the cops.” Her gaze dropped to the cloth covering him. “The minute they catch sight of you in that, uh, getup, they’ll haul your tail off to the pokey. So if you don’t want to be caged like a lion, Leo, you best split.”

  He glanced outside at the shimmering sun that drenched the horizon in its glowing rays. Soon enough darkness would overshadow the land and his constellation would be found mysteriously missing—as it had for the past few weeks. It had taken the nymphs some time to locate the mortal. A small detail like her unwillingness, even her hostility, would not deter him. One glance at his charges run amok convinced him of the dire necessity to stay and persuade her. “I have nowhere else to go. No one else to whom I can turn.”

  The delicious Clestie licked her lips. “Look, we’re not a halfway house for…for…” She fumbled, shrugged her shoulders and glanced at her cousin.

  Elizabeth shrugged prettily and held out her hands palms up. “Delusional hotties?”

  Clestie scowled. “Look, mister. I don’t want to cause you any trouble, but we’re not equipped to help you deal with your, uh, issues.”

  The orange-haired woman stepped forward and curled her fingers around his upper arm exposing a colorful tattoo of a gryphon on her wrist. “Don’t you fret none, honey. You can come home with Karly and bunk with me until you get back on your feet.” She held out her hand laden with gaudy rings on every finger. “My brother’s about your size. You come home with me tonight, sugar, and I’ll get you some warm duds so you don’t freeze your toches off.”

  Not that he was cold—he was used to minus 270 degrees Celsius up in the stars. But he sensed their censure of his dress and he wished to please Clestie even if that meant donning the mortals’ irritating coverings. “Thank you.”

  Karly crooked her pudgy finger at him. “Come along now, darlin’. It’s just down yonder a hop, skip and a jump.”

  He let himself be led away by Karly, her adulation giving balm to his badly bruised spirit. With every step, he vowed to win over the siren-like Clestie. Beneath that ice lurked a boiling-hot woman.

  * * * * *

  14 Heavenly Hijinks

  Clestie wiggled her fingers at the retreating entourage. “Ta-ta.” She had the strangest desire to add “Y’all come back now”, but she bit her tongue until she tasted blood.

  After the last would-be patron left, she dead-bolted the door, leaned against it and slid down to the floor. Giving into her exhaustion, she sighed before gazing up at her cousin. “If that’s a taste of running Aunt Petunia’s shop, count me out. I’d rather dig ditches in my Manolos.”

  Elizabeth sauntered over and held out her hand to help Clestie stand. “They weren’t that bad. Just a little hyper at seeing the shop occupied again.”

  Clestie stole a glance out the glass door but the crazy man and his crazier groupies had disappeared from view. Sunlight glistened on the cracked city pavement. From the look of it, this wasn’t the best neighborhood in Fort Lauderdale, but at least every window wasn’t covered by bars like the majority of Miami. “They were going into heat over George of the Jungle.”

  Elizabeth guffawed and wiped imaginary perspiration from her brow. “Like we all weren’t going into nuclear meltdown? Especially you.”

  Clestie gasped. “I was not! I’ll have you know I don’t go for that type.”

  Elizabeth seemed to be holding back a smirk. “Drop-dead gorgeous?”

  “Long-haired. Full of himself,” Clestie sparred, but despite her normal preferences, a vision of herself very naked and aroused, rolling around on a mattress swathed with that glorious mane—uh, hair—blindsided her. “You know I like my men to be polished. Cultured. Like Richard.”

  Elizabeth scrunched up her face and stuck out her tongue. “You mean stick-up-his-ass, revolting Richard?”

  “I mean rich, handsome, civilized Richard. You’d never see him swinging through a jungle on a vine wearing just a loincloth.” An unauthorized smile escaped at the delicious thought of Leo’s teeny-tiny scrap of material that must cover his very large, very exciting…

  Sanity reasserted itself and she stomped her foot. She had been dating Richard for months and they had an understanding of sorts. “Stop that!”

  Elizabeth spread her hands over her heart. “What’d I do?”

  Clestie’s hands balled into fists and she strangled on a rising scream. She leapt to her feet and paced the old wooden floor that creaked every third or fourth board. Vaguely, she wondered why Aunt Petunia hadn’t fixed it. “I am not going to waste another thought on that lunatic.”

  “Hot lunatic.”

  Clestie stopped dead in her tracks and whirled on the demon that’d possessed her cousin. “You think he’s so hot, you seduce him. Just do me a favor and keep him out of my sight and off my premises. I don’t need a SWAT team camped out here when he freaks out.”

  15 Ashley Ladd

  “That guy?” Elizabeth waved her hand in the air. “The most he’d do is stage a love-in.”

  A love-in… Despite herself, sizzling desire strafed her when she imagined Leo fucking her from behind surrounded by a crowd of chanting hippies. And then she broke out in a fit of giggles when the mystic shop’s clientele horned in with all their naked un-glory.

  Elizabeth poked her arm. “Give. What’s so funny?”

  Clestie was about to roll around on the floor howling and hooting. “I just imagined all those old biddies naked, rolling around the floor in your love-in.”

  Elizabeth’s lips curved way down. “Blech! That’s not my idea of humor.”

  Clestie pushed the ridiculous images from her mind. Forcing herself to sober, she strolled around her shop, trailing her finger over those items that didn’t seem too gross or dangerous. “And this is not my idea of entertaining. What am I going to do? I don’t want to let Petunia down, but we’re in way over our head.”

  Elizabeth crossed the room and picked up a jar labeled “dragonfly wings”. She held it up to her face and peered cross-eyed through the smoky glass. “When starting any new business venture, you have to give it at least one year. If it works, we’ll keep it going. If not, we’ll sell. That way, we won’t be too hasty and regret anything later.”

  Gulp. One year? An eternity!

  “How about we try it for one month? I don’t think I can commit to being away so long. How long can you be away from your job? And what about Richard, all on his lonesome down in Miami?”

  “Seriously, I don’t know what you see in Richard…” Elizabeth clamped her lips into a thin line when Clestie lifted her hand in warning about the taboo subject. “Richard the prick aside, one month isn’t long enough to get a real feel for any business. We have to invest time to tell. I’ve already taken a leave of absence.”

  “But a year?” Clestie felt like she was suffocating in this business, and they’d only been here a few hours. But truth be told, despite her doubts about running the shop, she appreciated a respite from Richard’s over-possessiveness even if she did miss the dance troupe. However, this unscheduled interlude would give her time to think things over, to search her heart from this bit of distance.

  “That’s what any good accountant would advise you. You’re lucky. As your cousin and better yet, as your business partner, you get that advice free.”

  “Thanks.” Clestie swiped a couple stray strands of hair away from her eyes. This swampy South Florida weather was making her melt the same way it had since the first day she’d moved to the area almost eight years ago. When the strands refused to stay put, she blew them off her forehead. Okay, no
t only did she have to have new floors laid, but the AC unit needed to be checked if she was going to stay any amount of time. It’d make the resale value of the place better even if they changed their mind.

  16 Heavenly Hijinks

  “Okay, for the sake of argument, let’s say we give this business a year. But unless we find Moon, it’s all moot anyway. I can’t do readings and, last time I checked, you can’t either. I have no clue what to do with any of this stuff.” Clestie dinged a fingernail against one of the jars. “Do they have college courses to learn this junk?”

  Elizabeth shrugged. “Beats me. I think it’s self-study and on-the-job training.”

  “What? We just pick up a tarot deck or open Linda Goodman’s Sun Sign book and take off running? It’s imperative we get Moon back. Or some other knowledgeable person.”

  Elizabeth scowled and tsk-tsked. “You’re going to talk yourself right out of a viable business with such defeatist thinking. Our aunt gave us a fantastic gift. Let’s accept it with arms wide open and run with it.”

  Clestie had no doubt her aunt had good intentions, but if she’d left behind a falling-down house with the best of intentions, would she still have to accept it with wide-open arms?

  To prove her point, Clestie set a jar of dried camel testicles in front of her cousin with a clang. “Do you have any clue how to use this? What it’s for?”

  She went down the line of shelves behind the checkout counter. “Do you know what any of these are for? I can’t even guess.” She shuddered. Well, she could guess but she was sure she would be wrong. “And what if some of this stuff is combustible? Deadly?”

  Elizabeth tapped her chin. “So find out. Google it.”

  Clestie chortled. “And which of the gazillion websites do we believe? Every website claims to be an expert. At least half are amateurs that don’t know what they’re talking about.”